No Maoist B*tches? Here’s 7 taglines to help.

It’s just human nature to want a partner in revolution (and in, well, life). Some of us have a harder time when it comes to actually pulling one. But it doesn’t have to be this way. If you move these taglines, you’ll go from strategic defensive to strategic offensive with whatever hot Maoist chick you happen to like!

1. The rate of profit is falling, just like I’m falling for you! You might want to just go with classic Marx, provided she’s on the more orthodox side of the equation.
2. Roses are red, Stalin did nothing wrong, and if you ask me, we could really get along! Undeniable. If you think she especially likes honest guys (or girls) who don’t believe in “20 million dead” bullshit, you’ll get her in no time.
3. Khruschev and Deng could never revise my feelings towards you! This will differentiate you from the asshole who asked her out last night who literally supported Gorbachev.
4. I’d be pushed from a helicopter by Pinochet if it meant getting to be with you. Because even Maoists appreciate tough guys sometimes.
5. You’re so hot you’re boiling me like the Shining Path, baby! It couldn’t be faker, but hey, at least you’re complimenting her.
6. Let a hundred flowers bloom for me to give to you. It would probably be better if you actually gave her a hundred flowers, but she should get the reference.
7. Workers Of The World Unite! Want to go on a date tomorrow? Never failed before.

We aren’t utopians, so of course these won’t finish the job. You’ll want to bring a Che Guevara t-shirt and a Gonzalo hat for a better shot. But if you apply these lines to your concrete conditions well enough, you could be pulling “100 Million” Maoist chicks in no time!

(satire)